Getting Siblings Ready For the New Baby (Part 1)

Note: This is a topic I absolutely love talking about with the families I work with and I feel it is so important that I have a lot to say on the subject! This blog post will be broken up into two blogs (part 2 here) and one recommended reading/listening list.

Welcoming a New Child Into Your Family

Having baby number two means a lot of good things for you as a parent. You are more experienced. You understand that this is all temporary and you will soon adjust to life with this little person. You know the need for peri bottles, the engorged breasts or the c-section healing is a short time and you will feel better in the coming days. You know that baby is not breakable and that soon he will be sleeping longer stretches and get the hang of breastfeeding. You have confidence and knowledge.

The one area that may be a new challenge for you is how do I parent two kids? How do I manage my older child’s feelings so she doesn’t feel excluded now that my attention is divided? Incorporating a new baby into your family does have its challenges but there are some truths to know and some practical things you can do to make this time easier!

You Will Love Your New Baby as Much as You Love Your Older Child

You will be amazed at how your heart can expand to love your new child. This is a cliche and I’m sure you’ve been told this already but it is the truth. Our love for our children is not a finite resource. You can love both your children deeply and profoundly. You will love them differently, because they are different people. Your bond with them will be unique. You will appreciate different things about each of them and connect with them in a way that shows them love but you will love them both just as strongly and just as unconditionally. 

Your Older Child Will Be Okay

Yes, they are sacrificing and losing something with the arrival of their new sibling. They don’t have as much time and attention as they had before. But they are gaining a sibling. They will always have this other person who knows what it was like to grow up in your family. They will have a bond that is unique from you or your partner’s bond with them. They will have an automatic and built in opportunity to learn to share and consider other’s needs and feelings. Even if there is a substantial age gap, they are gaining a friend. Giving your child a sibling is giving them a gift. Remember this when they are having big emotions in the coming days.

All Feelings Are OK, All Actions Are Not

Let your child have their feelings about the baby. Don’t be surprised if a lot of it is directed at you and not the new baby. Don’t be surprised if it IS directed at the new baby. All feelings are okay. Happiness, sadness, anger, joy, jealousy. These are all to be expected and to be allowed. What isn’t allowed is to hit the baby or you. To throw things. To break things. To take items you need for the baby like the nursing pillow or burp cloth. These actions are not allowed (and allowing them will make the stress of life with a newborn even harder, trust me!). So be prepared for how you will handle negative behaviors. But don’t punish the feelings. Crying is ok. Being angry is ok. Being happy is ok. Feelings can be acknowledged and seen but negative behaviors that hurt others or break things is not ok.

This is a Season

This is a time of adjustment. But just like when your first born was a baby pooped through every outfit or cried at every red light when in their car seat, this is a season that will pass with time. Being proactive and setting boundaries with your older child while also working hard to include them and have special time with them will pay off when both children are older and playing together. Talk often with your partner about what is going on with your older child and make plans together for how to respond to their behaviors and feelings. The hard work you put in now will pay off later!

Next up in part 2, some practical tips to make this transition a bit easier for everyone.