Getting Siblings Ready for the New Baby (Part 2)

Note: This is a topic I absolutely love talking about with the families I work with and I feel it is so important so I have a lot to say on the subject! This is part 2 of a longer blog post. Check out part one here and my recommended reading and listening list here.

Practical Steps To Make This Transition Smoother

Prepare Your Older Child

This is a lot about your child’s age and personality but reading books about welcoming a baby is a great idea (some suggestions coming up!). It helps to facilitate conversations around expectations and feelings. Getting a realistic baby doll and practicing holding the baby and treating the baby gently will go a long way when baby is actually here. Make a book with your child where they draw pictures of what life with the baby will be like. Include a couple pages talking about their feelings.

Plan For Their First Meeting

Have a quiet and distraction free first meeting, if possible. Ask grandma to wait outside the hospital room. Don’t have a living room full of guests when you come home. Let you, your partner and your child have a quiet moment to meet the new baby. If your child is old enough, allow them to hold the baby. Encourage them to be gentle by telling them what they are doing right instead of telling them what not to do (“I love how you are using soft hands to hold your sister”). Positivity during this first meeting is helpful!

Have Your Older Child Help

Once the baby is here, try to find age appropriate ways to include your older child is caring for their new sibling. A toddler can bring diapers. An older child can hold the baby. All kids can be involved in keeping a sleepy newborn awake during a feeding by tickling the baby’s back and feet! Let your older child pick what their baby sibling wears for the day. Again, focus on positive framing when talking to them about how they are helping with their sibling (“You are so great at always throwing away the dirty diapers! Thank you!”).

Whether you are bottle or breastfeeding, make the time you are feeding your baby a special time for your older child as well. Read books or let them watch a show and snuggle up next to each other on the couch as you feed the baby. With younger kids, some parents have special boxes with toys, stickers or activities that they can only get out and use when the baby is feeding. When your newborn is very young and breastfeeding may still be challenging, see if your partner can do something special with your older child. It is important to make feeding time a positive time for your older child as well because it happens so often in those first few months and the physical closeness with your baby may cause jealousy for them. Make a plan ahead of time to help them feel included and to ward off any attention seeking behaviors that could cause stress for you.

Keep Those Routines

Will you be able to keep every routine for your big kid when you are three days postpartum? Maybe not. But do your best (and include other grown ups like your partner or grandma) to help your older chid have their routine. Although it may seem counter intuitive, a lot of parents have success with their old child continuing to go to school or daycare right after the baby is born because it is what they know and it helps them to feel stable and secure. So while it may feel like they are “missing out” by not being with the new baby all day, ultimately they will benefit from continuing with their normal routine even though life is very different now with a baby in the family.

If a friend or family member asks how they can help, consider having them come over and play with your older child and give them some one-on-one attention.

Another option is to have that helper hold the baby so you can go for a walk with your first born or spend quality time with them. When your partner is home, take turns spending special time with big brother or sister. Fill up their cup by making sure they have your undivided attention for some time in the day! You may also find it helps you too by assuaging any guilt and spending time with one of your favorite people. 

As I said before, remember that this is a time of adjustment. It’s okay to be honest about how difficult it can be for everyone involved. It can also be a time of joy for you as you are giving both children the wonderful gift of having a brother or sister. This is a season and things will get better with time as you all settle into life as a family!